that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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