he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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