What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
