Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
