I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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