Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
