My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
