Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
is wine microwaveable?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
