Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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