I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
