Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
