Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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