So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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