you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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