new low.... made out with someone while peeing
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
