I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
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Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
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I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn