I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...