dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
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You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!