id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
