I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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