These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
