one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
