I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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