i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
