I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
