Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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