the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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