we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
