you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Your cock deserves a montage
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
