you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
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He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
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When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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