It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
