How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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