nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
