I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
