We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My vagina is very pro this idea
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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