so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
