When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
