someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
