it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
