i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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