I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
