My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
