I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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