you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
