It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
