I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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