Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
