So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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