Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
