Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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