i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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