Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Sober January is a disaster.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
