I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
