Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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