Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
