More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
