FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
