we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
