Where is the hickey?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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