There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
