I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
