HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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