I cockslap morals
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
