dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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