Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My vagina just recognized that song.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
