While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
