We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
