four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
