It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me