She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.