I puked a lego.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
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Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him