I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome