Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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