so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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