I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
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I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
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Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver