Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
