i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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