dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
His nipple licking is glorious
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