Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
that may or may not have been my penis.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
